My rainbow

The week leading up to my Induction was a hard week.

All I was thinking was if something was going to happen it will happen soon, luckily I still had a week left to work to keep my mind busy, I can honestly say it was a good decision for me, I Finished my last night shift the Friday night and I was due to go in hospital the Monday morning, everybody thought I was mad but it helped me.

I kept myself busy on the Saturday and sunday so the week did fly by. When monday morning came I started to panic, I could feel myself going into a panic attack because the day was finally here and I was petrified that something would go wrong during labour or that if the baby was born alive then I would be on borrowed time and something would go wrong. After what we have been through it is practically impossible to see that happy ending being real.

I went into the hospital at 12, with a massive bag full of things to keep us all busy as we didn’t expect them to be able to break my waters straight away with only being 37 weeks. When they checked me she said I was already 4 cm dilated without any Contractions! And they were able to break my waters! I could not believe it! They then decided to wait 2 hours to see if my contractions would start on there own, nothing happened so they put me on a drip, I have now come to realise that I don’t have your textbook style Contractions I don’t have tightening pains, I have period type pains that develop into sharp stabbing pains across the lower stomach. I managed to cope with the pain on gas and air untill the contractions were on top of one another then I requested an epidural, they checked me first and said that my cervix is just coming away quickly then all of a sudden i had the urge to push and I knew there would be no epidural for me now and that I was close to the end!

The whole way through i focused only on the here and now and not the end result that got me through it. When they lifted my baby up and onto my chest and I heard the cry I felt like I was dreaming it didn’t seem real. I had a little cry and I was told I have a little boy! Who looks just like his big brother!

I could not stop staring at him, he was finally here safe and sound, the journey through pregnancy was finally over!! The relief I had was unreal it felt great like all the anxiety and stress has finally been lifted and I finally get to hold my child and get to take him home.

Before he was born I always thought about if he was a boy and if I would become depressed as he would be a constant reminder of lucas and a reminder of what I should have been doing with him which was taken from me. I can now say that isn’t the case, I am so happy and content and because lucas became an angel it has made me treasure every sleepless moment with his little brother.

Noah rory henderson was born 27/04/2015 weighing 7 lb 6oz at 10pm

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 Noah is now 3 weeks old and growing to fast!

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He was worth every bit of morning sickness and every bit of stress and anxiety.

I hope my journey has given you even the slightest bit of support and hope that we can get through this and we can see the end of the rainbow. It is hard and always will be whether it is the first pregnancy after a loss or the sixth! But one thing I have learnt from this journey is that we are strong and incredible women.

We are angel mummies.

Rachael

X.x

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