So the nightmares have returned, after the episodes I had near to the beginning of this pregnancy they just randomly stopped and I never had one since, not pregnancy related anyway.
As the weeks go by the closer I get to 38 weeks when I lost lucas, now I know I won’t reach that point in this pregnancy as they are inducing me at 37 weeks but it still gets worse the closer I get. The anxiety starts creeping back and I am close to the end but yet it still feels so far away.
I am 35 weeks tomorrow so 2 weeks left, because of the anxiety and paranoia i still fell something is still going to go wrong, I have been trying to focus on movements which as you are probably well aware now has been impossible for me, I still haven’t gone on maternity leave yet but I am only in for 1 day this week so I figured I will have some time to focus on movements, I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or bad thing at this stage!
So the nightmare I had last night was that I woke up feeling wet and thought my waters had gone only to look down and see blood everywhere! This is no way related to my previous pregnancy as I didn’t have any bleeding problems before so that woke me up straight away and I had to go to the toilet to do a ‘check ‘ when I finally got back to sleep I had another nightmare only this time about movements which is my weak point, I didn’t notice I had reduced movements until it was too late , when that one woke me up I was rubbing my belly to try and wake baby up to move just to give me that reassurance I needed but it’s sods law that baby decided it was sleep time to and didn’t move, I tried to get back to sleep by telling myself it’s just a dream Its not real but that didn’t happen until baby showed some form of movement!
So now I feel my progress is slipping back and that there is nothing I can do about it 😦 everyone tells me to relax etc but it’s so much easier said than done, I think when I’m back at work for 4 shifts next week it will help to keep my mind busy.
I have a midwife appointment tomorrow so I think I will mention it to her see if she has any tips to help and I’m sure having the checks will helps to give me some peace of mind aswell.
Any tips or help please comment below, it would be very much appreciated.