I am now 33 weeks.
My midwife has started to check my BP at the start of every week and I have it done at the end of every week at work, it has been fluctuating but staying within the normal range which is good. After the horrendous ordeal the other week at MAU it has put me of self testing for protein so I have only done it once since, I am annoyed with myself that I have let them put me of something that is for my own good and the safety of my baby but I just can’t bring myself to do it much. I will try and do it more often but I doubt it.
The new midwife started last week, she has never done Community midwifery before so she was learning al the paperwork side of things, there was a student midwife who was also there and she was doing everyone’s dipstick, heartbeat check BP etc, I was a bit skeptical at first as I thought she might not do a good job or forget something or get it wrong, there’s no room for practice or trial and error in my life right now! But she seemed fine.
The health visitor, I never had any visit from a health visitor whilst I was pregnant with Lucas, but apparantly its something new that started In the last couple of years, she was lovely and I can’t wait to have her visit when the baby is here to help me be the best mum and help me to do what’s best for the baby. She talked about breastfeeding which has been a big issue between me and my other half he doesn’t want me too based on how he has seen his nephew with his sister and I want to at least try as I know the benefits the baby will get from it, I also plan to express so that I’m not constantly breastfeeding and everyone else can have that bonding time with the baby aswell.
One thing I was very proud of was that I managed to openly talk to the health visitor about lucas and what happened last time and discuss the things I missed out on with lucas which has been one of the things I have kept inside and I managed to not cry! Don’t get me wrong I was still anxious,sweaty when talking about everything and fidgeting like mad but I felt it was another stepping stone in my grieving.
I am lucky at work as I work on the same team as a wonderful lady who lost her daughter a long time ago and she became a befriender for sands for a while so she is very supportive and we always have little chats about our angels and how we are feeling,.
I’ve started to feel more anxious as the weeks go by because I’m getting closer to when I lost lucas even though I will never reach 38 weeks in this pregnancy it still makes me nervous as I get closer, I have associated labour with the loss of lucas like my body couldn’t take much more of the labour so started to shut down and cut of lucas’s supply I know this is all in my head and can’t be proven but that is how I feel and that can’t change either.
The health visitor suggested I speaks to pals and Put in a complaint about how i was dealt with at mau so I’ve decided to give my mother that task on my behalf so that I don’t have to deal with the added stress of it all. If it all happens after I have had the baby then I will happily go in and tell them how it is because I am sick of how they handLe their calls and mannerism, it’s disgusting. It’s suppose to be about patient care not about how many people they have already accepted and how busy they are. Yes we all have protocols and procedures we all have to follow in our line of work, but in their line of work it is judged on a case by case basis and as long as they can justify what they have done and the reasoning is due to the patients needs and health there are no problems.
I can’t wait to see my consultant next Tuesday so that I can fill him in with what has been going on and the health visitor said he may be able to bypass me calling mau on my induction date due to the problems I have had with them, either that or I will be telling him to forget the induction all together and ill go straight for a c section instead it’s less stress completely then.
Reading back on this, all I keep thinking is we have enough stress to deal with because of our history and they have to add to it, they are there to help us and to put our needs first yet it seems a few of us have to push for the care we need and feel like we are being fobbed off. I think they all need to have a days training to refresh them on what the priorities are in midwifery!