So i am now 24 weeks pregnant, movements are becoming stronger and more regular which is both reassuring and petrifying ! I have found a lot of things have there pros and cons to them so I am trying to embrace and prepare myself for both sides.
So far I haven’t had another meltdown/panic attack which is a positive step In the right direction. 🙂
We had a family moment last night which was lovely and another baby step at bonding with this baby, my sister was round and she asked if the baby can now hear us when rob said yes she spoke to my bump and said hello I’m your auntie just at the time the baby decided to have a kicking session! 🙂 so I lay on my side and everyone sat and watched my bump move and the baby kick up I think it made my sisters day and at that moment I was happy with no negative thought in my head.
So now I am thinking maybe bonding with my bump is a good idea, maybe it will bring more positive vibes by bonding which in turn will help build some Confidence in this pregnancy. I have started to think by being distant and detached from my pregnancy that it is causing more anxiety and less hope for a happy ending. I know that we do it to try and protect ourself and prepare for the worst but in all honesty I now think either way if the worst happened whether I had bonded and had hope or whether I stayed detached and disconnected I would still feel the same amount of grief and devastation.
Baby steps, that is what I have decided I don’t want to overload myself with to much hope and baby things as that will probably end in a breakdown so I am going to start doing little things towards the baby and preparing. Once I start to feel it’s to much I will stop and start again another day…. baby steps 🙂
I’m still going to get my mother and sister to sort through lucas’ s things though as that will just be too hard and will send me back a million steps.
Baby step number 1. I went through the bounty pack for the first time ever that they give you on the booking in appointment, chucked most of it and kept the samples not that there was many this time.
Baby step number 2. I went to fetch the next two bounty packs (well I went with my mother and she fetched them from the store) I wasn’t that brave for that one ! I have gone through them picked out the vouchers for freebies and samples and chucked the rest. I can’t stand reading through the books they give you on how to prepare etc as I feel betrayed by them as nothing and know one prepares you that actually it’s not just the first 12 weeks that you could lose a child! It can be at any point! How naive was I! ?
Baby step number 3. I plucked up the courage to order my freebies with the vouchers out of the pack so it’s official I have now bought something for this baby! It’s a nursing cushion in soft material and a car seat canopy cover. Although they say free the postage for them costs 12 quid!
Baby step number 4- a friend has given me two moses baskets and I have accepted them, I haven’t plucked up the courage and strength to bring them in the house yet though so they are currently living in my car boot!
So I am pleased with myself that I have bought something and taken small positive steps in the right direction!
Today has been one of the good days 🙂 ( it was very hard to write that without the feeling of jinxing it! )
I hope everybody else going through this with me have managed to take some small steps too, remember we are not alone!