One of the questions I have for people is have you bought anything for the new baby and if you have how far along were you at the time?
I’m not a superstitious person I dont think buying things or where you put them can impact the outcome of your pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Lucas my pram had to be at my sisters so my mother says because of some superstition, but we still lost lucas anyway so what good did that do!?
This time round I am that scared and possibly paranoid that I daren’t buy anything for the baby in fear that I’m jinxing myself, writing this I know I sound stupid but I just can not bring myself to buying anything. I think because of all the negative thoughts about losing this baby and not being able to imagine a happy ending it has put in my mind that if I buy stuff for this baby I am expecting to bring the baby home.
Don’t get me wrong I have still looked on the Internet for things like baby monitors and nursery furniture that I like but actually buying anything seems to be a no go. I suppose you could call me a coward as I have planned for rob to sort the nursery out on his own and lock the door shut so I don’t see anything like a week before I will be induced and then we already have lots of clothes etc that we had for lucas so I have asked if my mum and sister can get that out of the boxes and sort through it and put them away whilst I am in the hospital! I have literally thrown everything I need to do to prepare for this baby at everyone else other than myself.
Is it bad that I have done that? Do you think I should do it myself and it may actually do the opposite of what I thought and maybe give me some hope instead?
It has even come to the point where I hate my mother or people talking positive about the outcome as I feel they are now jinxing it too. I mean how do they know what the outcome will be? Not even the professionals can determine what the outcome will be never mind regular people!? So me and rob tend to talk very little about the future, every now and then when we have gained some hope and confidence we will have a short talk about a few things and the that will be it for a while. The only other time we talk about the baby is if the baby has kicked etc
This is the complete opposite to how I was when pregnant with Lucas it was baby brain 24/7 I would be thinking about the future all the time, constantly buying things for him and always thinking about nothing but lucas where as now I try and avoid all of that and try and carry on as normal, my logic for this is that if I don’t think about the future and the baby then I won’t worry as much, otherwise I will be having a constant battle in my head every positive thought will be followed by a negative and I highly doubt I could stay sane for much longer if I thought like that!