When to start telling people?

Before I found out I was pregnant I had decided without a doubt that I was telling nobody until I had no choice too or it was obvious. Not one person, at first I had no reason why I wanted to do this, I suppose it was in case something bad happened I didn’t want the whole world to know, I didn’t want the sympathy and the sad looks given to you.

When I found out I was pregnant the first thing I did In a panic was call my mum and blurt it out as soon as she answered,  after that because the pregnancy didn’t seem real yet with having no symptoms I wanted to shout it to the world just so I could convince myself that it’s real.

After a short while I started to think of the reason why I didn’t want to tell anyone in the first place and I think it was because I didn’t want to put my family through the trauma of another loss, after all they didn’t sign up for this pregnancy. That was my decision and if the worst thing happens I would only feel more guilty that I put my family through it all again when they didn’t ask for this.

In the end I just had to be selfish, I knew I needed as much support as possible through this pregnancy so after the 12 week scan we told family and close friends. Of course they were all delighted and supportive. The one thing I didn’t expect was the replies I would get, some of them made my blood boil! I’ll give some examples

1. I’m so happy for you both, this time everything will be fine. (Because they have a magic ball that sees the future right?)

2. Everything will be fine this time, just think of it as your first and start fresh! ( this one really wound me up, I was ready to punch them! As much as they were trying to some how be positive about it, it just made me realise how people who haven’t been through what we have do not understand )

3. Lightening doesn’t strike twice!

4. You will be fine this time you have a consultant looking after you now

I try my very best to tell myself they are just trying to be nice and reassure me but sometimes what they say sticks on your head. So telling some people turned out to be a disaster but luckily there are people that are the support I need when I need it which makes my decision to tell people the right one for me.

The idiots list could go on but I’m sure you all have your own experiences too so please leave a comment to add to this list of idiots!




4 thoughts on “When to start telling people?

  1. ‘Are you excited’ is a particularly daft question I think. No I’m not, I’m fricking terrified.
    ‘Ah that’s really good news’. Is it really???
    And smiles. Smiles get me.
    Surprise and tears are fine. Unbridled enthusiasm is not appreciated.


  2. I can totally sympathise with your resentment of the congratulations – I loved receiving them from people that understood our fear as well as tentative excitement, because I knew they would then be on the terrifying but hopeful journey with us. Those who knew our history perfectly well but, in my mind, acted like this would ‘fix’ everything for us, and who stated their certainty that all would go well this time (including because I was receiving more monitoring this time), I would always try and make it clear that not only would our grief over losing our daughter never end, but that we had no guarantees that things would be different this time round (Esme was stillborn at 38 weeks +2, and the post mortem found no reason for her death). As my pregnancy went on, I changed my attitude slightly and decided to allow others to be excited and optimistic for us, because their faith in everything being alright helped give me some hope when at times I felt really low. I was induced at 37 weeks +2 on the advice of our consultant and right up until the moment our son Jago was lifted onto my chest alive and well my husband and I were still worried something could go wrong. Best of luck with everything for the rest of your pregnancy, hope it all goes well for you xx

    Liked by 1 person

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