My name is Rachael.
I have created this blog to document my journey through a pregnancy after loss.
2 years ago on the 10th August 2012 my world came to a stand still when I found out my beautiful baby had passed away at 38 weeks during labour. 2 hours later I gave birth to the most beautiful boy I had ever seen in complete silence. He looked as though he was just sleeping. My sleeping angel.
I had developed sudden severe pre eclampsia, acute fatty liver and possibly hellp Syndrome. Non have been confirmed as I was to ill at the time after birth to be able to have further tests. A week later I was discharged from hospital carrying a keepsake box full of photos and keepsakes of my baby instead of leaving with my bundle of joy. It felt so surreal, like a nightmare I was struggling to wake up from. No one can prepare you for it, no one expects to come home empty handed and nothing anyone can say gives you the comfort or explanation you crave from then on.
You never ‘get over’ the loss of your child but time does make it easier, you may want to know how long it takes to be able to smile again or to live some form of a normal life unfortunately the answer is the same as the answer to how long is a piece of string? It varies from person to person. One thing that runs through all women’s minds after a loss is any future pregnancies and when to start trying again.
I fell pregnant 2 years after losing my angel baby and at that point I felt that I had given myself time to grieve for my son and to mentally prepare myself for the next 9 months ahead. I can now say that I don’t think any specific time between losing your child and falling pregnant again can prepare you for those 9 months as it all comes flooding back like it was yesterday.
So here I am hoping that writing about my journey to my rainbow baby not only helps me but I am hoping it can help anybody who is going through what I am and to tell you that you are not alone and everything you are feeling is normal for us angel mums.
If you have any questions or concerns feel free to contact me and I will reply as soon as I can.